In the eyes of the beholder

I think I'm headed back to the land of the living this morning.

Immediately after the surgery I hurt all over. I was on morphine though, which kept me blissfully not caring about the pain. But then an odd thing happened and I started feeling pain through the morphine. Not fun, not fun at all. I had a horrendous headache, which even the morphine didn't ease up completely. We think the headache was a reaction to the anesthesia, and I ended up staying in the hospital an extra day. Eventually it got better, but my hand started hurting. Of course the hand with the IV would have to be the same hand that has severe arthritis so that got better once the IV was removed. Anyway, it's over. Done. I'm glad.

Today the pain is actually focusing in where it belongs. Now it's a real pain in the neck. But it doesn't hurt all the time. It only hurts when I lie down, get up, turn my head, talk, eat, drink, blow my nose, or brush my teeth. And what if I hiccup? Oh, don't even go there. But other than those circumstances I am almost pain-free. Pain pills are my friends, and I am not ashamed to say that I take advantage of the welcome relief they provide.

So now that I'm feeling better I'll answer the big question. What do I look like when I look in the mirror?

I originally envisioned having a big Frankenstein scar around my neck. But that's not what I have at all. From what I can see so far, the doctor was telling the truth about the whole minimally invasive thing. The incision looks to be about two inches long, and I have a knot the size of a jumbo free-range egg under my skin. Oddly enough there seems to be almost no bruising.

Unfortunately, the rest of my post-op face looks like I have on one of those cheap Halloween masks you buy at the dollar store. You know the kind I mean. I'm talking about the masks that are indistinct and washed out. They all vaguely resemble Richard Nixon. The only difference between me and Tricky Dick right now is that I have a big lump in my neck covered by steri-strips. I don't think he had that.

I'm sorry to say the surgeon didn't give me a face lift. But soon I'll be up to putting on some makeup. Then maybe I won't feel like I have to apologize to the American people every time I glimpse myself in a mirror.